Family Communications —
Being Present for Children
By Tina Erwin
The ways may be set before thee—the choices must be taken of thine own
consciousness. Be aware of what ye would that the Lord would do with thee, what Thou
would do with the opportunities, the privileges He hath bestowed upon thee as one of His
Edgar Cayce Reading 1470-2
There is an old saying that often elegantly describes how many families communicate. It goes something
like this: I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what
you heard is not what I meant.
Confused? Join the club! Families are so busy these days with the mountain of things that just have to
be done that they may forget to actually listen to the details of conversations, and then things begin to
What you frequently find is that people are not emotionally present. Their head is nodding but they are
not hearing you. It happens to everyone. Something else is dominating his or her mind and when you
think you have his or her attention, in truth, you don’t. Even when you ask the person if they heard you
and you get a nod response, that does not mean that they heard you.
Parents get so concerned about their jobs, the family dynamics, keeping up with the neighbors, and
managing the politics of life that they miss the little clues that their spouse or kids are giving them that
would have tipped them off to a potential problem. Potential problems are not convenient, so it is just
easier to nod, or ignore the problem, or just say no, regardless of what it is. The problem is that when
you think you can ignore something, it comes back to haunt you later. Sometimes you have to deal with
something ‘little’ when it starts and you may discover that taking those few extra minutes
prevents/precludes something ‘big’ from ever happening. Let us look at this classic example:
A busy mom is getting her four-year old ready for pre-school. She is stressed. She has a big meeting
that morning and she needs her son to hurry. But her son says he doesn’t want to go to school. He hates
school. Every other morning he just loves school, but not today. Today he hates it.
Here are her options:
- She can yell at him, threaten to punish him and demand that he get ready right now and
utterly ignore his adamant refusal to go to school. She can even call him a bad boy.
- She can ignore the child’s behavior without comment and shove him in the car, dump him off
at school and try to cool down for her meeting.
- She* can stop what she is doing completely, sit him down in her lap and look him in the face
and calmly and with concern ask him to tell her why he doesn’t want to go to school. This is
where it gets really hard. A four-year old often has trouble expressing his feelings. He needs
the mom to feel that something is terribly wrong at the school. Surely she knows that he has
never behaved like this before. Surely she can see that there is something very wrong here.
Her son tries to explain, but he lacks verbal skill and cannot tell her but the look in his deep
blue eyes tells her he is afraid – of something. She watches as the tears fill up those
precious eyes and spill down his cheeks. These are tears of relief as he feels that she is
In the first two options, mom’s actions tell the child that she is not hearing him or cannot focus on his
needs. She has lost touch with that psychic sense that moms need to have to avert problems. Once she
gets to work, she tosses the situation off as an irritation. But it doesn’t go away. Day after day, her son
becomes increasingly more adamant that he does not want to go back to that school. Finally he ‘gets sick’
so he won’t have to go to school. Now he is a behavior and a health problem for her—or that is her
perception. He is now costing her a lot of time way from work. At no time has she actually listened to
what he is trying desperately to tell her in his clumsy four-year old way. The child begins to lose faith in her
and their relationship just gets more difficult. This situation was a growth opportunity for both of them
and the mom in this case missed it—completely.
In the third option, the mom gets herself out of the way so that she can listen to her son all the way. In
that moment, she is completely present so that she can hear this child, on the physical and psychic level.
When she does this, she realizes that by analyzing his past behavior, she can see that he is genuinely
afraid. He is not making this up. What about her meeting? Hopefully, she has a backup plan and can call
a sitter and leave her son home for the day. Organized moms need to have a backup plan with little kids.
She goes to work and at lunchtime, she calls the school to let them know that her son won’t be there and
to find out how things are. What she discovers chills her: three teachers quit, and now one teacher is
responsible for 35 small children. This mom also calls the teachers who quit and discovers to her horror,
that the school has changed policy and now leaves these little kids outside in the Charleston, South
Carolina summer heat for three hours at a time with no water. They are also yelling at the children. She
spends the rest of her lunch locating another pre-school. She has to take some time off to get him
installed in a new school but now every morning, he is happy to go to school.
She spent perhaps an extra five minutes of listening to her son initially. Five minutes of time. She was a
total of 30 minutes late that day. She was able to have her meeting and she felt good about it. What she
discovered about the school validated her faith in her son and her own psychic sense that truly,
something was very wrong. Her son was seldom if ever sick in his early years because he did not need
sickness to get his mom’s attention. He was also seldom a behavior problem because he was able to
communicate his needs and be heard. In fact he was never a behavior problem even through his teenage
years. That critically important communication link was kept strong by direct and psychic communication
between parent and child.
*I am the mom in option three. This is a true story about my son, James now age 30. I was a Lieutenant in
the US Navy at the time and my husband was at sea. This situation taught me the value of believing in
my children from the time they were little.
TINA D. ERWIN, CDR, USN, Ret. has studied metaphysics all her life to enable her to understand her own psychic abilities. These intense studies were further enhanced by the experiences of a dynamic 20-year career in the Navy, working for the U.S. Submarine Force, retiring at the Commander level. Erwin is the author of the A.R.E. Press book, The Lightworker’s Guide to Healing Grief.